how your world can change in a day, in an hour.
there were fireworks
but after dinner i went to look for my cat ishy, to give her some leftovers. i went in the bedroom where she usually hides out when there is company. i couldnt find her. i asked kb to help. we looked in the closet, in piles of clothes. and then i heard him call her name, his voice gave him away. she was lying behind the computer desk and i knew . and i pulled her out gently and she was warm but not moving. all i could say was "no, cheeters" (one of her many nick names) and "why cheeters, what happened?" over and over. and i just cried on her little ear for an hour. e made a specially designed box for her and i wrapped her in my pink robe and she stayed in the bedroom with us that night. i didnt sleep very well. she usually sleeps on my pillow half on my head. it felt so empty. see, i got ishy as a birthday present to myself in october 1988. free kitten in the paper. a couple drove her over to my basement apt in their pick up truck from their farm. she was a farm cat. for 19 years that little face has been with me. everywhere: we moved from ft. collins, co to san francisco to seattle to portland, oregon to brooklyn and finally, here in utah. friday morning all the vets were closed, i called everywhere and left frantic messages. i didnt know what to do with her now. i thought i would have her cremated. but nobody was open. i couldnt just put her in the garage until monday. ? so i found a pick axe and a couple shovels and decided to bury her in the backyard. it was very cathartic, digging at the dirt and swinging that pick axe, tearing into the ground. it had snowed that night too. 
so it has been a really hard weekend. i had nothing but pure love for that cat and i miss her terribly. so much it makes me sick and i cant imagine ever not being so sad.
3 comments:
I'm very sorry to hear about your cat. My wife recently lost her cat, who had been with her since before she and I met over 15 years ago.
It's very hard. I hope things get better for you soon.
Oh, this made me teary. She was a perfect little furry and brought many a smile with that cute little mug. RIP Ishy, we'll never forget your little squeak.
i'm sorry to hear about your cat. i've had mine for 10 years and know how much they become part of the family.
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